


I'm just going to shake, shake, shake

by 221castiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soldier, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Lazy Mornings, Light Angst, M/M, Short & Sweet, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:15:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27094144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/221castiel/pseuds/221castiel
Summary: Things have been hard for Dean since returning from service; fixing cars and tying shoe laces, are no longer easy tasks. Though the most frustrating and difficult of all is shaving.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 70





	I'm just going to shake, shake, shake

psychogenic tremor is the most common of psychogenic movement disorders, it is rarely visible to the eye and typically involves a fine shaking of one or both hands and the fingers. Most who have been diagnosed will as well suffer from a psychiatric disorder such as depression or ptsd.

~~~

Castiel watched from his spot at the foot of their bed, as he did every morning. His legs crisscrossed, head tilted slightly to the right. His eyes never leaving Dean. Watching every detail with care, as if Dean would leave him again. From the way he lent over the bathroom counter, his AC/DC shirt scrunching at his stomach, to the way his lips puckered out ever so slightly.

Watching Dean shave had been a morning tradition. Originally because Castiel has been too tired to get up and start his day, or maybe too content, with such a pure moment. Either way when Dean had returned from his army drafting things had changed. Castiel no longer watched with a small smile, but instead a deep frown. Worried for his boyfriends health. Knowing Dean had to much pride to even accept never mind just ask for help.

Castiel could hear a small swear as Dean surely chipped his skin once again. He couldn't have been back for longer than a month but his beard was already more cuts than hair.

The bed creaked under Castiel's weight as he stood up. Socked feet pressing against the wood floor in soft patters as he walked through their bedroom and into the conjoined bathroom.

"Hey angel" Dean said voice barely above a whisper. Castiel stopped at the door frame watching as other leaned forward face barely an inch away from the mirror. Razor brought to his face, yet no contact was made.

It had began unnoticed by Castiel, but within days it had become no secret that even simple tasks had become incredibly hard for Dean. From spilling juice, too being unable to go back to his previous job at the local auto shop, all because he couldn't control the constant shaking of his hands. Castiel had suggested, if not begged him to see a therapist. To get some help for not only his shaking hands but for the ptsd and anxiety that had come from being a soldier. Yet no matter how much Cas insisted Dean would only brush it off and reply with a 'it'll go away eventually'.

There was silence as neither spoke, Castiel watching Dean, and Dean watching the mirror, to focused on trying to steady his hands. Some days he could manage, but today, today was bad, there was no controlling it and the shaking was far from subtle. "May I help you?" Cas asked. 

Dean shook his head. "I told yah, I can do it myself"

Even if it wasn't Castiel's hand, not his mind, it still pained him in ways that he couldn't describe. To see his boyfriend suffer, Dean who loved to do things on his own, who'd grown up relying on no one but himself, now unable to even drive his own car. It brought a lump in Castiel's throat, and a burning pain to his stomach. A feeling that could only be recreated by caring the world on your shoulders.

"Please Dean" Castiel insisted. He knew it frustrated the other, yet he could no longer watch Dean's suffering. "Let me help you".

"I'm fine"

"Dean-"

"I TOLD YOU CAS, I'M FINE" Castiel froze watching as Dean brought the razor to his face. With shaking hands he dragged it harshly across his cheek, a large chunk of skin being torn open, blood quickly dripping out of the open wound. "SON OF BTCH" Dean screamed once again.

There was a loud crash as he threw the razor into the sink, silence quickly following.

Castiel didn't move, not knowing if he should. Finally as the silence ticked on, he spoke. "Dean?" He stepped forward and reached a hand out, the tips of his fingers just gazing the others shoulder.

Dean turned his head, the haze over his eyes easily noticed, though no tears fell. "I'm sorry" he whispered out, "for everything..."

"You don't have to apologize" Castiel replied. He tore off some toilet paper before walking closer to Dean, slowly beginning to clean away the blood across his cheek. Once the cut had been covered and the blood had been cleaned  
he picked up the razor. With care beginning to drag it across Dean's uneven stubble.

The first half of Dean's face had been done in silence, Dean looking down while Cas worked with care. Fingers barely grazing skin as if he was working on a porcelain doll, and in some ways he felt he was. Dean hadn't been the same since returning. He had become distant, spending hours alone in their room, never speaking of the pain that he felt and was feeling. It tore him down, Castiel knew that. He had felt it, hiding the pain away, letting it eat you from the inside out. At first you could feel nothing, but that only could last for so long before you felt everything. Castiel was sure for Dean that moment would come soon.

"I love you"

The words came so sudden, so simply, that for a second Cas wasn't truly sure Dean had even spoken them.

"I love you too," Castiel replied softly.

**Author's Note:**

> so yah, I decided to start posting ALL my one shots as their own books cause I worked hard on them and yah... I'm not sure if I'll keep posting them in a oneshot book as well, or if I'll add all posted one shots into a collection??  
> I can't decide.  
> but anyways! I hope you enjoyed it's short, I wrote it a while ago, but I still like it!


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